Not only do most people fear having to give feedback, often the thought of receiving feedback causes the same response.  It's not feedback itself that causes the fear, it's our interpretation of it, which is based on the ingrained stories we tell ourselves.

Even the term "constructive feedback" for most people triggers an expectation of negative comments due to the old favourite "constructive criticism". We've all focused on the criticism part, attached a negative experience to it, and now expect the words to flow along with an ego crushing blow.

All feedback should be constructive.  That is; delivered with the intent that it may aid the individual to gain insight, new perspective and assist their development.

A powerful way to view feedback is to see all feedback as just that - feedback. It's not good nor bad.

Even feedback with good intent, and from a credible and respected source is still just feedback.  It is up to each individual as to what happens next. Take it on board and make changes? Ignore it and do nothing? The best response is always to say "Thank you" and then take some time to reflect.

If the comments don't resonate with you, then a polite thank you is all that's required. If the feedback is not constructive, is negative or designed to be hurtful, don't take it personally, chalk it up to experience and say to yourself "it's all just feedback".

However if the comments delivered do resonate with you or it's from a source you respect, then the best response is to see it as a learning opportunity.

In these situations it is advisable to delve deeper, ask the person questions so as to truly understand their perspective. If you're not sure about how relevant the feedback is or if you want a second opinion then validate it, ask trusted people for their perspective also

Here are some questions you may wish to use, select the ones most relevant for the situation:

  • Specifically what worked well?
  • What could have been improved?
  • How else do you suggest I might deliver/complete/achieve this?
  • What might the impact be if this was or wasn't altered in any way?
  • Who else do you suggest I speak with to get feedback on this?

Once you've got the feedback, the choice is yours as to what you do with it. Whether you take it on board or not is your call, because up till now, its still just feedback!

You might wish that to be all it is, you may wish to develop this area, or celebrate the achievement and compliment. Remember that until you decide otherwise, it is all just feedback.